Visitors usually bring flowers, yeah
by planet p
Summary: AU; when she comes out of the hospital, Emily has a visitor. Saves having to buy flowers, she supposes. It’s not like he’d know her favourites, really. Emily/Lyle


**Visitors usually bring flowers, yeah** by planet p

**Disclaimer** I don't own _the Pretender_ or any of its characters.

* * *

It's the first time she's seen him since. Since he'd 'taken care of her.' Like she was some sort of problem. Was that, she thought. She was that. He won't look at her, he's looking at something near her, instead. Not _at_ her. He'd done a fair job, she thinks, she'd just done a better one. She'd not meant it or anything. A laugh pushes its way up her throat. Doesn't make it, though. I didn't mean to live! She says, "She sent him away. I had a little boy, but she sent him away."

It's strange the way she says it, even she thinks so. Can't pinpoint the strangeness exactly, like on one of those corkboards with a tack. Can't do that, but she thinks it's something about the randomness of it, the casualness of it. Not like he'd asked, after all. Not like she'd given any warning of it, any hint of it. Just said it. Like it was somebody else's business. Kind of made her want to slap herself across the face, but, no, he wouldn't do that. Should have, she thought, but he wouldn't. She knew he wouldn't.

Didn't like that sort of thing, she knew. From before. She'd figured that out. Still, might just have been a lie, eh? Might have been 'part of the persona'? He wouldn't look at her; that annoyed her. Maybe that was it: if he looked at her, he'd get up and come over and give her a slap. She wanted him to. Wanted him to shake her or something. Ask who? Who'd sent to kid away? 'Her' could be anyone. And, for blazes sake, why she'd let her!

He didn't.

Instead, "I'm sorry."

_Yeah_, she wanted to say, _so was I_, but he wasn't talking about the kid, he was talking about putting her in that hospital, about trying to kill her. Wanted to say, too, casual as you please, _Will you bother to look at me, you little freak! Taxing, is it? Much too much so: there's nobody paying you for this – so, fuck it!_

Didn't.

Though maybe then he'd have slapped her for it.

Well, what the bloody hell was he sorry about? Could have meant anything by it, really. She may have asked, but, no, dodges sensible, says, "You thought I was dead." Not like it was a question, just like it was true, or until he challenges her, or something. Her feet kind of start to drift over there: maybe she'll _make_ him look at her! Scare him a bit: Might slap you, I might!

She doesn't know what he's looking at when he says, "For years… you were…" Can't be her, she's nowhere near where he's looking now. Had been before, then she'd moved, shuffled over like some sick person to a healthy person. Maybe nothing. She wants to say something on that, but he says, "I'm sorry. I couldn't stay with her, I left." For a second, maybe longer (_shame_ her) she doesn't get it. Then she gets it, in time for him to add, "He was there, and I left her."

Wants to kill him!

Flies at him (like it's a big distance) though she's not moved at all, just standing there like she's sick, maybe she can't, and spits, "You fucking bastard!" Bollocks, though, she can't make it sound angered. Not that it sounds bleeding tired; none of that, just not angry. She'd been going for _angry_ – and she'd fucking screwed it up. Daughter deserved better than that, she thought bitterly, from her own fuckin' mother: deserved angry: at least! Not this mother: too shitty, likely.

Then there's tears in her eyes, like she's sixteen again, and he looks at her (not like a healthy person, healthy robot, but not a person), and then she is crying, and he's holding her, not hugging her, but holding her, and she can't be bollocksed to say, _No, you can go and fuck off! Don't touch me! Just fuck off!_

She wants someone to hold her. Better that it's him, really. She hasn't been imagining it; he's really here. Bloody weirdo. Always the same.

Smiles, then, like she's weird too.


End file.
